How Standards Shape Culture: What Your Team's Behaviour Is Telling You About Your Leadership

May 28, 2026

This is the one I don't share lightly.

In this final episode of May I am bringing everything together. Standards, boundaries, and the conversations leaders avoid. And connecting it all to the culture you are building whether you realise it or not. But first I am starting somewhere personal. Because the most useful thing I can give you today is not a framework. It is the truth about what it actually took for me to understand this.

If you have ever wondered why your leadership feels exhausting, or why your team is not reflecting back what you intended, this one is for you.

In this episode:

The moment I thought I had done everything right and was completely wrong

What I confused leadership with and why it was exhausting me

The shift from leading outside in to leading inside out

How avoidance, soft standards, and boundaries all connect to culture

The question to take into June

Ready to lead in a way that actually fits who you are?

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If this month has landed for you, share it with a leader in your life who needs to hear it.

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Liz Murray helps leaders protect their energy, sharpen their influence, and lead with emotional stamina through her online course Be Exceptional, one-to-one coaching, and high-impact workshops.

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Website: www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au

Episode Transcript

I want to tell you something that I don't share lightly
there was a moment in my leadership journey
where I thought I had done everything right
I was wrong
completely wrong
and that moment is the reason I do the work that I do today
I'm Liz Murray
welcome to Take 5 With Me
this is the final week of May
and I want to bring everything
we've been talking about this month together
standards
boundaries
the conversations leaders avoid
and what all of it means for the culture you're building
whether you realize you're building it or not
but I want to start somewhere really personal to me
because I think the most useful thing I can give you today
is not a framework
it's not the truth
about what it actually took for me to understand this
I spent years doing what most driven leaders do
attending the courses
reading the books
listening to every leadership guru I could
and it helped
I was ticking boxes
I built a real sense of confidence and certainty in how I was leading
and how I was handling things
and then one day I had a rude awakening
I needed a team member someone I had deep respect for
to have an important conversation with someone else
he refused
and I did what my training had told me to do
I brought what I thought was the right energy
I stood my ground
I asserted myself louder
more forcefully
he turned his back on me and he just walked away
in that moment I was furious
I thought I'd done everything right
I thought I had set the boundary
I thought his refusal meant that I needed to performance manage him
when I look back on that moment now
I can barely recognize the leader I was in it
because the issue was never that he refused
the issue was that I had confused leadership with control
I thought being a good leader meant having everything done my way
asserting authority when I was challenged
and ticking the boxes my training had given me
I thought my leadership identity was about being the boss
that could not have been further from the truth
I wish I could tell you
everything shifted immediately after that moment
but it didn't
the change took time
time to find the right support
time to sit with the uncomfortable question of
what was actually going wrong
and I kept wondering why I was so exhausted at the end of every day
it was because the leadership style I had adopted
was completely incongruent with who I actually am
the box ticking
the controlling
the asserting
none of it was really me
and my body knew it
even when my mind was still convinced I was on the right track
my team member's behaviour that day was not insubordination
it was a reflection of the culture I had quietly been creating
through micromanaging
through control
through a version
of leadership that looked right on paper
and felt wrong in practice
it wasn't until I started working with an executive coach
and doing some deep work on emotional intelligence
that I fully understood where I had gone wrong
over time I started laying different foundations
I stopped leading from the outside
in trying to match a model of leadership that someone else had built
and I started leading from the inside out
from my values
my natural way of being with other people
my genuine curiosity about what my team was capable of
I threaded the mission vision and values through everything
not just at the start of the year
through daily interactions
through regular conversations
and through the way that I was showing up every single week
I let go of the need to control
and I Learned how to ask better questions
how to be genuinely present for the people that I was leading
and something remarkable happened
the performance issues that it felt so heavy and so hard to address
became easier
not because the standards had dropped
because I had spent so much time setting and clarifying those standards
and recognising people when they met them
that following up when they didn't
felt neutral
it felt like part of an ongoing conversation
rather than a confrontation
the culture shifted
not because I forced it
but because I finally understood that culture is not where you declare
it's what you do consistently
every day in the small moments that leaders often overlook
this is what everything we've talked about this month comes down to
Week 1 we looked at why leaders avoid hard conversations
and the answer more often than not
is that
they haven't done the proactive work
that makes those conversations
feel safe and feel natural
in Week 2 we looked at the cost of soft standards
what happens to your best people when the standard isn't held
and how disengagement sets in quietly from the top down
in Week 3 we reframed boundaries entirely
not as walls you put up when something goes wrong
but standards you name out loud before they do
and this week it all connects to culture
because your culture is your values statement
it's not your mission on the wall
it's the sum of every standard you've held or let go
every conversation you've had or avoided
and every moment you shut up clearly or left things unsaid
so here's the question I want to leave you with
look at your team right now
the energy in the room
the way people communicate with each other
the standards they hold themselves to
and the conversations that happen and the ones that don't
what is it telling you?????
your team's behaviour is not random
it's a mirror
and it reflects your leadership
not as you intended
but as you have been practicing it
that's not a criticism
it's the most useful diagnostic tool you have
and the moment you can see it clearly
everything becomes clearer and available to you
you get your choice back
you can decide what you want the culture to be
and you can start leading in a way that actually creates it
that's the work not more theory
not more boxes to tick
and not a leadership persona that doesn't fit who you are
just clarity c
onsistency
and the courage
to have the conversations that matter
before they become conversations you've been avoiding for six weeks
if this month has landed for you
I'd love for you to share it with a leader in your life
who needs to hear it
and if you're ready to do this work on a deeper level
Be Exceptional is my online course
built specifically for leaders who are done with the box ticking
and ready to lead in a way that they actually think fits
with who they are
the link is in the description below
thanks for taking 5 with me this month I'll see you in June

How Standards Shape Culture: What Your Team's Behaviour Is Telling You About Your Leadership

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