What leading from adult actually looks like
Over the last three weeks we've named three traps, rescuing, correcting and reacting, and they all come from the same root, a default taking over instead of you actually choosing how to lead. This week I'm answering the obvious question: if those are the traps, what's actually on the other side of them? What does leading from adult actually look like, in the exact same moments those traps show up?
Key takeaways:
- Rescuing, correcting and reacting all share the same root, a default running the moment instead of you actually choosing how to lead
- Leading from adult isn't a personality, confidence or having it all figured out, it's a handful of small, repeatable choices made in the exact same moments the traps show up
- The flip in practice: ask what they've already tried instead of solving it for them, check the outcome against the standard you said out loud instead of rewriting their method, pause and ask one question instead of getting defensive
- It works precisely because it's quiet, none of it is dramatic, that's exactly why it stops the pattern before it starts
- The goal was never perfection, it's noticing faster and choosing again, a shorter gap between the default and the choice each time
Watch the video: https://youtu.be/0G91r1cOez0
Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/adult-to-adult-leadership-what-it-looks-like
Timestamps:
0:00 β Three traps, one root: a default taking over
0:20 β The obvious question: what's on the other side?
0:35 β It's not a personality, it's a handful of repeatable choices
0:50 β Rescuing, flipped: asking instead of solving
1:10 β Correcting, flipped: checking the outcome, not rewriting the method
1:30 β Reacting, flipped: pause, one question, leave it open
1:50 β Why it works precisely because it isn't dramatic
2:05 β You'll still slip, so will I, the goal is just to notice faster
2:25 β Which trap is yours? The Leadership Mirror shows you
2:45 β The closing question
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Full transcript
Over the last three weeks, we've covered three traps. Rescuing, solving your team's problems for them because it feels good to have all the answers. Correcting, redoing their work for them because it feels good to be right. And reacting, needing to be right the moment you're challenged, because being questioned feels like being attacked. These are three different traps, but they all come from the same root. All three have a default taking over, instead of you actually choosing how to lead in that moment.
So today I want to answer the obvious question. If those are the traps, what's actually on the other side of them? What does it look like when a leader is operating from adult, not from one of those defaults?
It's quieter than you think. It's not a personality. It's not confidence or charisma, or having it all figured out. It's a handful of small, repeatable choices, made in the exact same moments the traps show up.
Someone brings you a problem. Instead of solving it for them, you ask what they've already tried, and what they think the right move is. You're still fully present, you're just not doing their thinking for them anymore.
Someone's work isn't done your way. Instead of rewriting it, you check the outcome against the standard that you actually said out loud. If the outcome's right, you let the method be theirs.
Someone challenges you in front of the room. Instead of getting defensive, you pause. You ask one question. And you let the conversation stay open a moment longer than what feels comfortable.
None of that's dramatic, that's exactly why it works. Leading from adult doesn't announce itself, it just quietly stops the pattern before it even starts.
And here's what I want you to hear really clearly. You will still slip, I still do. The goal was never to rescue, it was never to correct, and it was never to react again. The goal is just to notice faster, to catch ourselves a little earlier each time, and then choose again. That's the whole practice. It's not about perfection, it's just a shorter gap between the default and the choice.
Now, if you've watched all three of these, and you're wondering which one you slip into most under pressure, that's exactly what the Leadership Mirror is. It's designed to show you. It's free, it takes five minutes, where your own authority holds and where it quietly drifts away. The link's below if you'd like to take it.
So, of the three we've been covering this month, rescuing, correcting, and reacting, which one's yours? I genuinely would love to know. Tell me in the comments.