Most burnout doesn't look like burnout

Most burnout doesn't look like burnout from the outside. And if you're the kind of leader I work with, it probably doesn't feel like it either. You're still turning up, still getting things done, but somewhere underneath you're running very fast and no one can see it. In this episode I'm busting the workload myth, naming the two patterns I see draining leaders at every level, and giving you a clear, honest place to start.

Key takeaways:

- The exhaustion stays because the workload isn't the real problem. If it were, solving the workload would fix it.

- There's the work, and then there's the performance on top of the work. Performing calm, performing confidence, performing capability. Your nervous system knows the difference even when no one else does.

- The two patterns underneath the performance: unclear standards (the pressure always flows back to you) and carrying what belongs to others (you carry more, they grow less capable). - Neither pattern is a character flaw. They're patterns, and patterns can be identified, named, and changed.

- You can't fix what you haven't seen clearly. The Leadership Mirror gives you that honest picture in five minutes, free.

Watch the video: https://youtu.be/KLEJnKgLt_I 

Read the blog: https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/blog/why-you-feel-exhausted-when-you-look-fine

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Full episode transcript

Most burnout doesn't look like burnout from the outside. And if you're the kind of leader that I work with, it probably doesn't feel like burnout either. You're still turning up. You're still getting things done. But somewhere underneath all of that, you are running very fast and no one can see it. If that sounds familiar, then this video is for you.

I'm Liz Murray, executive leadership coach and founder of Edge of Possibilities. Welcome to Take 5 With Me.

Last year, 80% of Australian workers reported they're experiencing burnout. What that number doesn't tell you is how many of those people look completely fine from the outside. How many were managing up, managing sideways, holding everything together, and still turning up to every meeting looking like they had it all handled.

Most burnout doesn't look like burnout. And most of the advice out there completely misses why. So today I want to bust the common assumption I hear, name exactly what's going on, and give you a place to start. By the end of the video you'll know the real reason you're exhausted, and I promise you it's not what you think.

The most common thing I hear from leaders is this: if I could just get on top of everything, I would feel better. So they work harder, they delegate more, they optimise their calendar, they read the book about time management. And the exhaustion stays. That's a signal. Because if the workload were the real problem, then solving the workload would fix it. But it doesn't. So something else is going on.

There's the work, and then there's the performance on top of the work. Performing calm instead of feeling it. Performing confidence instead of drawing on it. Performing capability instead of leading from it. I use the swan image a lot with my clients. Serene above the water, but feet going absolutely flat out underneath. The swan still gets where it's going. The performance works. Nobody sees the effort. But your nervous system knows the difference, even when no one else sees it. That performance layer, the consistent management of how you appear, is what's draining you. Not the decisions, not the meetings. The performance on top of them.

Underneath the performance there are almost always two specific patterns. The first is unclear standards. When expectations aren't held firmly, people fill the gap with their own interpretation, usually shaped by what they can get away with, not what's actually required. The pressure from that gap always flows back to the leader. The second is carrying what belongs to others. Every time you absorb a team member's discomfort, pick up their dropped ball, or rescue them before the natural consequence lands, you reinforce a dynamic that quietly drains everyone. You carry more, they grow less capable, and the gap widens.

I worked with a leader, I'll call him Merrick, who came to me because he genuinely didn't know what else to do. He was stretched really thin. His instinct, because he's a genuinely caring person, was to absorb more and take the pressure off. Except it wasn't working. The more he carried, the more they struggled. He wasn't sleeping. He was becoming reactive in moments he used to find manageable. When we sat with it properly, what became clear was that he had created a culture where his team didn't know what was truly expected of them, not through harshness, but through the opposite. He got clear on expectations. He started holding them consistently. He moved from rescuing to building his team's own capability. He's sleeping now and he's present. The whole team is performing. His workload didn't shrink dramatically. What shifted was the weight he was carrying that was never his to carry.

Neither of these patterns is a character flaw. They're patterns, and patterns can be identified, named, and changed. Which one shows up most in your leadership right now?

You can't fix a pattern you haven't seen clearly. Only 28% of Australian organisations invest in developing their leaders, which means most people carrying real responsibility are figuring this out on their own. You don't have to. The Leadership Mirror is a free five-minute self-assessment. It measures how you make decisions under pressure, how you hold up when things get hard, whether the standards you set are the ones you actually enforce, and whether you're carrying what's yours or absorbing what belongs to others. Your result places you in one of four bands and gives you specific, direct feedback. Not a personality type. A clear picture. The link is in the description.

If what I've described today is landing, the next step is The Leadership Mirror. It's free, it takes five minutes, and it will tell you something genuinely useful. I'll see you next week.