The Moment I Realised I Wasn’t Really Listening
Oct 22, 2025As a self-confessed slow learner, it took me far too long to realise I wasn’t always a great listener.
I’ve always had a short attention span. I like things concise, practical, and efficient. So when someone drifts into long-winded details before getting to the point, I can feel my frustration rising.
In my mind, I’m already three steps ahead, finding the solution, fixing the issue, or mentally crossing off the next task.
But here’s what I learned the hard way: if you’re only listening to reply, you’re not really listening at all.
When My Own Blind Spot Got in the Way
When I started working with a Leadership Coach, I began to see how often I missed the mark in conversations.
I’d walk away feeling like I’d been clear and decisive, but my team would still look uncertain or disengaged.
The truth was confronting, I was focused on what I needed them to hear, not what they needed to feel.
As an educator, I knew people can’t absorb new information until they feel psychologically safe. Yet in leadership mode, I was forgetting that truth entirely.
The Realisation That Changed Everything
Once I started reflecting on my conversations, I began to see the pattern.
If someone didn’t feel heard or understood, they couldn’t truly hear me either.
It didn’t matter how clear my instructions were or how passionate I was — without connection, communication fails.
So, I began to practise listening differently.
Before giving advice, I paused.
Before interrupting, I reflected.
And before reacting, I asked:
“What might this person need from me right now?”
Sometimes it’s reassurance.
Sometimes it’s empathy.
Sometimes it’s silence.
Why This Matters for Leaders
In leadership, we often think our role is to provide direction. But sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer is presence.
Active listening doesn’t mean saying less. It means creating space for others to bring more of themselves into the conversation.
It builds trust, clarity, and mutual respect, the cornerstones of every great team.
The Takeaway
When we listen with the intent to understand — not just respond — we build teams that feel valued and heard.
And when people feel heard, they give their best.
Because exceptional leadership starts with one simple shift:
Listen first. Lead second.
Whats Next?
What’s one thing you can do this week to slow down and really listen?
Download my Communication Playbook- https://www.edgeofpossibilities.com.au/pl/2148709525
Watch my latest Take 5 with Me episode on YouTube- https://youtu.be/J221r8WyvEo
Read my latest Leadership Edge LinkedIn article to learn more- https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/moment-i-realised-wasnt-really-listening-liz-murray-ozpkc
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